Updated below with graphic, but instructional “how not to” image of the Bucs night.
10. Coach Smith coached a really good game.
9. Coach Smith coached a really bad game.
8. In a statistical fluke, entire Bucs team has Devin Hester on its fantasy roster.
7. The Bucs were all on twitter just before the game following the latest Adrian Petersen, Greg Hardy, Ray Rice and Roger “Two games, no, wait, my bad, I apologize for getting it wrong, no wait, I don’t apologize because I didn’t see the video and Ray barely hit her so why should I apologize, no, wait, now I’ve seen the video with the rest of America so I’ll pretend I didn’t already apologize for getting it wrong, and instead act super quick and ignore my own new 6 game domestic violence rule and not only override Ray’s 2 game punishment, but suspend him indefinitely instead because of our foul-up, and then I’ll go dark while we waste the talents of a former FBI director to sort through the whole sordid mess” Goodell news; and just weren’t mentally prepared for the game.
6. Per Bleacher Report, Falcons quarterback Matt Ryan was 32-2 when his passer rating is over 100; The Bucs liked the challenge of seeing if they could make it 32-3, so they tried to let him complete all his passes in the first half.
5. The Bucs needed a new head coach. Wait, no, that didn’t work…..Bucs needed a new starting quarterback – preferably a long time, solid but not great backup, who had some good games down the stretch last year for another team, instead of their second year guy who played really well as a rookie and who they needed to play and find out if they could build with him – unless, well – unless they could get someone as good as a decent but not spectacular second year back up to ruin any such logic or common sense…. So no ,that didn’t work…..Bucs needed to bring in an over priced pass rushing defensive end/linebacker for a 5 year 43.98 million dollar contract. Oh, wait, no that didn’t work…..The Bucs needed to swindle the hapless Patriots out of their all pro Guard for a mere tight end, since they drafted a tight end with the a 2nd round pick in the draft. Oh, wait, no…..
…….The Bucs need new owners, or a new GM. (I volunteer.)
Or, the Bucs need to get Jon “Find your beach, but mine ain’t coachin’ any more” Gruden back.
4. All the NFL Florida football teams can’t be championship caliber every year. Or, rather, none of them can be.
3. Bucs, jealous of all the attention fellow northern Florida NFL team Jacksonville got for being horrible two seasons ago and into last, desperately want to replicate.
2. Everybody was picking on Commissioner Goodell, so Bucs promised: “Don’t worry, we got your back Rog’, we’ll divert away focus: We’ll lose so badly practically no one will even mention your name for hours!” Bucs new head coach Coach Smith Lovingly pleaded; “you can accomplish the same by a blowout win you know.” Team responded, “yes, but it’s not as sure a thing.”
1. The Bucs are a really bad football team right now.
Update: You know things probably aren’t going your team’s way when your Center gets unsportsmanlike penalties, snaps the ball over the quarterbacks head, and into his own buttocks instead of the quarterback: